just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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