Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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