...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
