All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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