hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
