this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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