She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
