wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
