I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
