Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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