I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
