fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
