I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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