I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
