just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
