remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
