see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
