Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
