and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
