I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
