4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
