Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It's official drugs can't kill me
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
