Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
