Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
My life is pants optional.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
