I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
