so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
what day is it and did you see me today?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
