I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
