Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
