You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Randomize
