dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
pop tarts are not kleenex
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
