i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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