what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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