sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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