dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
