So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
