i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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