It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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