If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
