her vagine was all disorganized.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Enjoy the penises
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
