I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
