I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
