I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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