you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Cover your peen. We're going out.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
