those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
