if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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