...so i touched it.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
