Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
