When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
