If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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