plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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