in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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